i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
