True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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