i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
