three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
