M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
