it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
