we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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