she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
