12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Randomize
