the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
