phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
