i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
