Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
