And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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