it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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