First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
