I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
