As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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