i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
