dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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