If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
