need another drink. this is the easiest way
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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