I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
