i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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