You can't motorboat a personality
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
