Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
