I wanna bring you to show and tell
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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