Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
