Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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