I got chris browned last night
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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