I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
