I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
