She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
