i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
