So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
