Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
