flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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