Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
