Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
