Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
