i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
