honey bunches of taint.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
