bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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