i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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