I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
