when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
