i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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