Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
