yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
