you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
