we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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