I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
