Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
